the true blood challenge

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"You Smell Like Dinner" opens with Jason waking up, tied to a bed, to one of the Hot Shot boys licking his head wound. "I"m more of a band-aid kind of guy," he tells his pseudo nursemaid. Just as Jason convinces the teen were to untie him, Felton arrives and puts a shotgun in Jason's face.

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Cut to the scene we really care about: Eric and Sookie. Eric tries to convince her to be his in exchange for his protection from other vampires seeking a taste of her faerie blood. Sookie declines, rather saucily,  wondering if he thought that would be all it took for her to spread her legs. This left us to wonder why it would take that much in the first place.

Meanwhile, Bill's spy, Katerina, does other "favors" for the king besides going to Wiccan meetings, Hoyt takes on a bunch of fang haters outside Fangtasia, and Sam hits on Luna, a sexy shape shifting teacher from his support group. Lafayette confides in Jesus that he's worried about the use of black magic. Jesus assures him that there's nothing to worry about as long as one's soul is light.

Sookie goes to Bill's newly HGTV'd house to discover that Bill is king... and that he's moved on to another human. Sookie asks Bill for help with Eric. He advises her that he can't make Eric give up his property and that she should seek shelter in another human's home. Sookie questions the good that would do when he can just buy that too.

We are then treated to a flashback of Bill in 1982 in London. British Punk Bill is much sexier than Bon Temps Mainstream Bill. Though he is still feeding on humans, he has lost the ruthlessness we saw in him when he was with Lorena. He glamours his human food, recommending that he take an iron supplement and vitamin B for the next few days. Enter Nan Flanagan, who asks why Bill doesn't kill his prey. She proceeds to tell him that a vampire, Louis Pasteur, is working on a synthetic human blood drink that would allow them to mainstream. Bill begins his work for Nan as a spy.

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Sookie confronts Sam about his attitude and tells him that she'll share where she really was when she's able. When Sookie meets Arlene and Terry's baby, Arlene is afraid that she can hear the baby's thoughts, which she can't.

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Andy arrives at Hot Shot to get a fix of V. Crystal, who's hopped up on V because of Felton, finds Jason, who tries to get Andy's attention, and silences him, telling him she's found a way for them to be together forever. Felton gets one of the residents to give a tube of V to Andy to get him out of Hot Shot.

In Sam's office, Luna tells him, "I really want to let you in." She then proceeds to let his tongue into her mouth. Tommy asks about her as she leaves, and Sam is rude to him.

Arlene thinks her baby burst a vessel in her eye. In her defense, he was staring pretty intently at her, and he did smile in delight when it happened.

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Sookie sees the creepy, evil fairies approaching her as she gets groceries from her car, but it turns out to be Tara. Approaching the house, the girls see that Eric bought Sookie a new door, on which there is a note: Out with the old. Sookie discovers that he has also bought a microwave, stocked the fridge with Tru Blood, and even built a hidey hole for himself. Sookie mutters about him being a psychopathic frat boy.

After yet another fight, during which Hoyt offends Jessica by referring to her blood as "that s---" when she offers him a sip to heal his beat-up face, Jessica returns to Fangtasia where she finds herself some fresh blood.

Bill tries to convince Eric to sell Sookie's house back to her. No such luck. He then sends him to stop Marnie's coven, who, as he found out from Katerina, practices necromancy. Eric is concerned that if they can control the dead, then they can control vampires.

Another flashback reveals how Bill claimed the throne. After a Matrix-like fight with Sophie Anne, we see "sniper" backup. This said team all fire wood bullets with silver cores, obliterating the former queen. We quickly find out that Nan is behind the team of assassins. After Bill lies to her about there being nothing special about Sookie, Nan declares him king and tells him to clean up: "You're covered in queen."

Desperate, Sookie turns to Pam in hopes she can convince Eric to sell the house back to her. After some quippy comments from Pam about being girlfriends, she advises Sookie that she needs to be somebody's or she won't be at all. Pam also tells Sookie that Eric cares about her in his own way. While waiting for Eric, Sookie discovers Jess drinking from someone other than Hoyt and tries to talk some sense into her. Jessica, disgusted with how Sookie treated Bill, makes it clear that she's the last person who should be giving advice.

At Sam's support group meeting, the shape shifters talk about the craziest thing they've ever shifted into. Luna reveals that she once shifted into her mother. A skin walker, Luna has the ability to shift into any animal, including humans, because she had killed another shifter (her mother during childbirth). Sam finds Tommy sneaking up on the meeting. They both change into birds, Sam ultimately tackling Tommy in the sky. When they are back on land, Sam realizes that Tommy doesn't have a limp anymore. They proceed to have a brotherly heart-to-heart. Naked.

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Lafayette and Jesus bring Tara with them to the latest Wiccan meeting where they discover Marnie has plans to bring a dead human back to life. Cue Eric's grand entrance: "Y'all looking for a dead body?"

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Eric forbids Marnie's coven from meeting. Marnie tells her coven to join hands. They are reluctant to do so until Eric bites Marnie; then, Holly gathers the circle. All join hands except for Lafayette. Tara throws a cross at Eric, causing him to release Marnie and grab Tara instead. This prompts Lafayette to join hands and close the circle of power, which Marnie uses to cast a spell on Eric.

Felton reveals that Jason and Crystal are going to make a were baby to continue the bloodline. In order to do that, though, they first have to make Jason a panther. Felton and Crystal both change into felines and begin nomming on him.

The episode ends with Sookie finding Eric wandering the woods half-naked. Not recognizing her, he asks, "Why do you smell so good?"